Ephesians 4:22-27, 29-32 You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off
your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of
your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.
Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all
members of one body. "In your anger do not sin" Do not let the sun go down while you are still
angry, and do not give the devil a foothold. Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your
mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may
benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed
for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along
with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just
as in Christ God forgave you.
Genesis 3:9-12 But the LORD God called to the man, "Where are you?" He answered, "I heard
you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid" And he said "Who told you
that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?” The
man said, "The woman you put here with me--she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it."
One: don’t deny or hide your anger.
Ephesians 4:26-27 speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body. "In
your anger do not sin" Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the
devil a foothold.
There are four reasons why we get angry:
1) Our boundaries are violated.
2) Ignorance
3) Unrealistic Expectations
4) Immature (another word for selfish).
4 predictors of Divorce
1) Criticism
2) Defensiveness
3) Contempt (long term anger)
4) Stonewalling
Ephesians 4:25 Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his
neighbor,
Don’t #2: Don’t let the sun go down on your anger.
Ephesians 4:26 "In your anger do not sin" Do not let the sun go down while you are still
angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.
Unresolved anger creates depression.
Matthew 6:15 But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
Ephesians 4:26-30 "In your anger do not sin." Do not let the sun go down while you are still
angry… And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God
Unresolved anger hardens your heart to the person you are mad at.
Matthew 19:8 Jesus replied, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts
were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning."
Unresolved anger opens the door for the devil in your life.
Ephesians 4:26 "In your anger do not sin." Do not let the sun go down while you are still
angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.
John 8:44 When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies.
James 1:20 for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.
I Peter 3:1-2; 7 Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them
do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives,
when they see the purity and reverence of your lives... Husbands, in the same way be considerate
as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with
you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.
Don’t #3: Don’t use angry words carelessly or unrighteously.
Ephesians 4:29-31 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is
helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And
do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.
v. 31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of
malice.
There are three levels of anger:
1) Anger (emotion)
2) Bitterness (aged anger)
3) Rage (violent anger)
These three levels of destructive anger are paired with three levels of negative, destructive
communication:
1) Brawling (yelling and shouting)
2) Slander (Name calling)
3) Malice (wicked speech)
Choose an appropriate time and place for confrontation.
Constructive Separation is when real damage is being done (physical or significant verbal
abuse) and there is no resolution. It shows the other person its serious, the person leaving
needs to tell them I love you, but I’m not coming back until we deal with this.
Begin every confrontation with affirmation of your love & commitment to your spouse.
Ephesians 4:15 Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up...
Proverbs 15:1-4 A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. The tongue
of the wise commends knowledge, but the mouth of the fool gushes folly. The eyes of the LORD
are everywhere, keeping watch on the wicked and the good. The tongue that brings healing is a
tree of life, but a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit.
Proverbs 16:23-25 The heart of the wise teaches his mouth, And adds persuasiveness to his lips.
Pleasant words are a honeycomb, Sweet to the soul and healing to the bones. There is a way
which seems right to a man, But its end is the way of death.
Communicate your complaints, feelings, and perspectives without judgment.
Complaining means this is how I feel…
Criticizing is the next level-you said…
There is a difference between a specific complaint and globalizing.
Repent of anything that you did wrong.
End with affirmation and love.
Ephesians 4:32 And be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in
Christ also has forgiven you.
